12.13.16 Never Stop

The thing at the forefront of my mind today is naysayers on the road to success, and the fear behind being alone. I think for me, I've met a lot of naysayers along my path. Unsupportive people, or people who give a little, and then expect me to allow them to use me in return. And I've been repeatedly hurt, and concerned about the overload of people who have treated me this way along my path. I think that being a creative artist, trying to etch something out in the world, and establish yourself, is sort of daunting, but doable. It's definitely possible. But the very act of creating something out of nothing causes those around you to have to adjust, and there's a necessity of space, as well as support, that's needed, that can create a lot of dissonances around you. I have noticed that there is an element of resentment that arises in the people that are around you, and learning to weed through that effectively, and in a matter that leaves you unscathed can be disappointing, and miserable, and maticulous, and difficult to render. But I do believe it's possible, and necessary, as well as inevitable, as long as I stay on my path. These are the growing pains, but the benefits and successes will outweigh the pain, in the end. 

This is a moment to lift up the helpful people on the path, and the kinship shared by all creative people trying to make a difference, and the space and freedom we hold for each other. And to not being afraid of being humbled by the process, in such a way, to be molded appropriately and set on course to find the truth in all of this. 

https://youtu.be/lfiopzfE5-0

11.29.2016 Running From My Baby Lion

DREAMS:

I had a dream last night I was dealing with the normal social constructs of power, when I took a turn onto a dirt path with all types of animals on it, walking towards what I do not know, and I was racing ahead of them. There were elephants, horses, etc. I ascertained that I was running from a lion, or one that I perceived to be a baby. Those animals were my spirit animals, and I was afraid of the lion, and it was far behind. I thought if I could just get ahead of the pack, the lion wouldn't get me. 

VISIONS:

Then I woke up to a vision of jeans. Bell bottomed jeans with decorative back pockets. I definitely need new jeans. 

11.28.2016 Your Poor Rational Mind

I was in prayer due to sadness about many struggles, feeling pain, but mostly irritation and an inability to sleep the dream was "You're poor rational mind." 

11.27.2016 Limit Time/Men Are Busy

On the 26th and 27th, I had two dreams that gave me two bits of information. The first was to limit my relationships with women who would be needy, or asking from me, as I have had two, and it had become too time consuming when I have a lot to do. The next night, I had a dream that told me that often times I assume men are being unloving, they are just working. I have had fights with two central male figures, one being my ex boyfriend, the other, my brother over those feelings. I wish wisdom wasn't so often retrospect. 

I was also told I am high wired, and third minded. Not that I was able to discover what third minded is.

11.26.2016 walking away

Last night my ex boyfriend called me his one stop shop (for sex) after I asked him if he wanted to help me move some furniture. He said not to worry, he wouldn't rape me. So I let him know how much he upset me last night. 

This mornings I heard "accept him". 

When I thought, I cannot accept the things he says to me, I saw him walking away. 

I continued to tell him that his rhetoric was not acceptable to me this morning, and took a couple shots of my own. He said he'd send me money he owes me, but that he couldn't help me any longer. I told him obviously I was fine with that, and that he is a piece of trash.

11.24.16 - Thanksgiving

VISIONS:

I saw the word "Energize"
The the frog spirit

Frog represents cleansing, retreat

REFERENCES BASED ON VISIONS:

https://whatismyspiritanimal.com/spirit-totem-power-animal-meanings/amphibians-reptiles/frog-symbolism-and-meaning/

http://www.spiritanimal.info/frog-spirit-animal/

SYNCHRONICITY AND SYMBOLS FOUND IN DAILY LIFE:

The number 59 (symbolizes death)
The words "Bigger Picture" or "Big Picture"

11.23.16

I saw a gun pointed at somebody's own head

I saw the word "OR"

I heard him say, "I gave her a gift."

11.22.16

Yesterday, I saw the word "Vanish"

Today:
I saw a top spinning as fast as it could. "You're trying to make the world spin as fast as it can. It's not going to work."

JULY

I saw a man with his pants down
a hole in the ground
a tree with no branches
a scared pug dog looking but only seeing black (black eyes)
And a word I can't remember

I know that I'm afraid of men and want boundaries. When boundaries are in place, I see containers full of water, calm water, like man made streams, and pools. Serene. When people give me bad advice I see infected water, or water with dirt in it, cups with holes with black stuff coming in. Pots with red water. Not full, but a small layer at the bottom.

I miss the man I lost, even though we were mean to each other.

I have decided to put in my two week's notice at my job.
Around my work, I saw myself as the clown fish.

http://www.primalastrology.com/clownfish.html

They are able to move as their enemies move. When there is an enemy, we should always move away to avoid being in danger. Those who have the clown fish or anemone fish power usually move from the enemy instead of facing the enemy. They usually try to avoid confrontation as much as possible. They’d rather avoid their enemies instead of having direct confrontation.

http://www.auntyflo.com/magic/clown-fishanemone-fish-symbolism