It was last Saturday that I had the inclination to try once more the last homeopathic remedy that was prescribed to me by my homeopath maybe 4 months ago. It was Platina Metallicum 6c. It was nothing short of a miracle what happened. I was overcome by calm (me calm?) and fell asleep without Ativan and slept through the night. It gave me the incentive to go off of the Ativan, suddenly I felt stronger and knew that the benzodiazapine was a toxic force in my life. So I began to taper, and alternate each night between the remedy and the benzodiazapine. Each night I took the remedy at around 5 AM when I was free of toothpaste or food complications. My depression began to lessen. Clarity of thought returned. Anxiety reduced. It worked miraculously every time. Every time until the fourth time. Last night, Tuesday August 6th I took the remedy at around 2 in the AM because I couldn't sleep. When I grabbed the bottle I saw a flash of red. I took my two pellets under my tongue as usual and after not being able to sleep, clonked out.
But it was different this time. Not so peaceful. I had a dream that I wanted to know what it would be like to die and jumped from a rooftop. When I hit the ground I felt stuck in a thick gravity, compounded with high anxiety. This sort of crazy anxiety I hadn't felt since I started the remedy. My sleep was disturbed. I slept for 12 hours. Then tonight I took the Ativan I had been alternating. I'm having a very difficult time getting off of it. I found it did not make me tired, but instead made my anxiety worse, and is accompanied by heat sensations in my body. I can literally feel the heat where the Ativan goes. Stomach and then ends up in the back of my neck. Always things with the back of the neck. I have a similar heightened anxiety response to antidepressants and other supposedly sedating medications. This night I keep waking up with the panic and pressure in the back of my neck again. I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. I was on a roll. I even saw a shooting star after taking the remedy the first time when I walked out my parents' front door. I thought my prayers had been answered.
I feel somewhat spiritually guided, and I thought I had figured out at least part of the puzzle. This is so confusing. I think my nervous system has been triggered by the serotonin syndrome a year ago and now it's as though I am a different animal. My chemistry is highly reactive. I emailed the homeopath who I was once receiving free advice from and she requests payment, as she rightfully should. Every move is complicated by money issues. I don't have any. I go to doctors appointments and don't pay.
I pray for guidance once again. For a solution to this complicated problem. Let me know the way. Amen.
Update: I was able to normalize by antidoting with ChinaGel which contains camphor in it. I put it on my neck and heart. Fell asleep afterwards. Grateful.
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