There is a bitterness in me that I don't like. A lack of compassion that excuses my behavior. An energy of violence that reaches into me. I don't know where it came from, but I don't like what it is.
I want to find my true self. The self that isn't ignorant or blind, but sees the conflict, feels the strife, and choses the light in every situation. I want to find the true warrior, the priest in myself, the saint, the hero. I heard in an evangelical church this summer that this was the year of crossing over. And if I had one wish, this would be it. To find the hero in me. The true hero. To finally get my crown, a crown of love, of honor. Of God's good will for us all. I want to be a person that believes in what's right, in something that gives to all people. That doesn't discriminate, that forgives, that's real. That sprite that was in me before I fell into my baggage, before I went through the dark night. I want it back, back stronger and more powerful than any hatred, any greed, any terror. I want my life back. I want life again.
That's my prayer. God help me. Amen.
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